It’s me, Padre.

You know, the handsome ManCat Furry Bambino.

On Fursday, I was shoved into my PTU and taken to the V-E-T.

Daddy tried to comfort me.

Then Daddy and Mommy left me at the V-E-T and went home wiffout me! Meerkat was looking for me out the front window.

Dr. Amy, the V-E-T, stoled 8 of my toofies. EIGHT. All at once. Mommy and Daddy told her it was OK.  Here’s the report on my toofies. My toofies were in pretty bad shape.

Dr. Amy said that I did really well, and I have to fank her for doing such a good job. And for giving me such good medicashuns to make the pain in my mouf go away.

I got to go home the same day.

As soon as I got home, Mommy and Daddy gave me some yummy albacore tuna!

Dr. Amy said to keep me in a separate room at first, so Mommy and Daddy set up my bachelor pad in the foster kitten room. The point was to keep the other Furry Bambinos from giving me a hard time because I smelled like the V-E-T office. The tail going into the PTU is not mine. So does that give you an idea of how well keeping us separate worked?

After about 20 minutes, I decided that I did not want to be confined to the foster kitten room against my will any longer. So I knocked over the baby gate and went downstairs.

There were NO CRUNCHIES in my bachelor pad!

Dr. Amy said that I have to eat soft food for 10 days after surgery. That is like, forever! So I went looking for crunchies downstairs. THE DOWNSTAIRS CRUNCHIES BOWLS ARE MISSING!!!

Kittehs, it’s going to be a long 10 days.

This is what my mouf looked like before surgery. One of my toofies that Dr. Amy stole is my left top fang pictured below. It was brokefied.

Below, I will show you my toofies that Dr. Amy gave Mommy and Daddy. She said that I could give my toofies to the Toof Fairy.

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In case you are kind of squeamish, you can look away.

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WARNING!

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PADRE’s REMOVED TOOFIES BELOW!

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LAST CHANCE TO LOOK AWAY!

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OK!

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HERE THEY ARE!

Toof Fairy, I really don’t want my toofies back. You can keep ’em. And I don’t want moneys for my toofies, eiffer.

What I really want are my CRUNCHIES back.

And tell Mommy and Daddy to stop it already with shoving medicashuns into my mouf.

Alas, it did not stop her from picking me up against my will and forcibly placing me into the PTU! Immediately I voiced my complaints, which were ignored. As it turned out, Caramel was already in another PTU. Mom and Dad then took us to the grey room that moves, and then we left the safety of home!

As expected, we wound up at the V-E-T. Here we are in the waiting room on the bench.

Mom is upset that I have been horking up my foods lately. Doesn’t she know this is part of the Cat Code of Ethics to hork up one’s food on a regular basis? Methinks she worries too much.

Well, I tried the technique of trying to make myself as small as possible, maybe even invisible, as not to be seen, by facing the rear corner of the PTU.

No such luck. They found me and pulled me out.

My weight is the same as always, 13.0 pounds, a good weight for a medium sized mancat like myself. See, no cause for concern!

Dr. Amy decided I have some tooth problems, but those will be addressed at another time. (I hope that Mom forgets about that.) Dr. Amy took me to a back room where I was stabbed in the back! You just can’t trust these V-E-T’s! She said they gave me fluids because I was dehydrated. Hmpf! Why didn’t she just offer me a drink? Nooooo, they stab you in the back. And she gave me two shots!

I was returned to the PTU, and then Caramel was given the business. Just in case they had ideas of pulling me out again, I went back into hiding.

When we got home, I was quite relieved to be out of that PTU. However, we weren’t home long before Mom announced to Dad to “grab Padre”! Yikes! Dad held me while Mom shoved some vile tasting liquid down my throat!

To top things off, instead of giving me my favorite crunchies (Fancy Feast Royal Gold Turkey), Mom gave me some prescription crap instead. ::sigh::

Caramel had a horrible experience as well, but I will let her tell you about it herself in her own post.

In other news, yesterday morning Meerkat, Padre, and I were on Mouse Patrol!  I managed to wriggle my way into the fireplace (through a closed fireplace chain-link screen) to sniff the mousie out.  Upon my triumphant return following the mousie into the living room, I expected to receive praise and accolades for my bravery and mousing acumen.

Nope.  Instead, Mom grabbed me, and she and Dad gave me a BATH.  A human-style shower.  Complete with running water.  In the kitchen sink.

Apparently, they didn’t think I could lick myself clean.  Mommy was upset that I was no longer a tuxedo kitty, but a black cat.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a black cat.)

After getting me thoroughly saturated, Dad wrapped me in a soft towel and dried me off.

But I still needed to groom my furs back into place.  Especially my tail furs.

So I settled in the fambly room and began the process of realigning my furs into position. Padre was more freaked out about the whole bath thing than I was.  He came over to give me a good sniff.

Grooming grooming grooming …

Luckily, Meerkat and Padre continued the pursuit of the mousie after I was waylaid by the bath.  When Dad tried to resecure the fireplace, that’s when he finally saw the mousie.  Padre and Meerkat told Dad to just grab the mousie in his teeths.  Instead, Dad left the scene to retrieve his human style mouse catching equipment (plastic tub and flattened Cheerios box).  Dad captured the mousie in the corner of the living room.

Meerkat inspected the mousie in the plastic container.  You can tell she is really craving a taste of mouse between her teeth and gums.

Then Dad went outside and released the mousie into the garden.

I am plotting my revenge for the bath, and for the release of the mousie …

Well, I have to report that Mommy and Daddy are EVIL.  To start off the new year, they locked us in our PTU’s yesterday morning, and put us in The Room That Moves.  I was lucky to get one all to myself, while Meerkat and Panda Bear got squeezed into one.

We had no idea where we were going, until we stopped and Mommy and Daddy started carrying us into a place that smelled eerily familiar.

They took us to the V-E-T !!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the horrors!

First the lady in the red clothes took us out one at a time.  She put us on a flat surface and called out a number.  For me, she said “thirteen point six pounds”.  Aaaack!  She was weighing us!

For the record, Panda bear was 12.6, and Meerkat was 10.4.  (padre! how dares you.  a lady doesn’t ever tell her age or her weight.  i am offended!  Love, Meerkat.)

After the weighing came the waiting. That was exploration time!  Mommy held me close and started babbling about how good of a kitty I was, but I was itching to escape.

Then, she tried to calm down Meerkat.  As you can see, Meerkat was simply terrified.

Panda Bear, however, was “Mr. Adventure”.  First he stood on the table and sniffed around.

Then he tried to sniff the other corner of the room.  Luckily he didn’t try to jump up!

Then, he started doing his acrobatics.  What a showoff:

This time we saw a lady named “Dr. Jillian”.  She took each of us one at a time and started “examining” us.  I hid in my carrier, but I know she took Panda Bear first.  It was hard to see what was happening, but I did hear a loud pop! at one point.

Then she took Meerkat.  No pop for her.

Then it was my turn.   Mommy had to yank me hard out of my PTU.  I didn’t want to go!

Then I was in their grasp.  Dr. Jillian squeezed my belly.  She put a piece of cold metal on me and held it there for a few seconds.  The lady with the red clothes held me really, really tightly … and then … Dr. Jillian squeezed some of my furs … and SHE SHOT ME IN THE LEG!  OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Then she shot me AGAIN!

Then she flipped me over and shot me ONE MORE TIME … this last time with a loud poppy sounding shooter in my back right leg.  Same sound as I heard with Panda Bear.  Hoomph!   Something about being to protect against “loo-kee-mee-uh”.

Then the lady with the red clothes started picking at my teeths!  Dr. Jillian said I have “tartar buildup” and a little bit of “gingeevitus” … whatever that is.  My teeths feel fine.  Hoomph!

Finally, I was able to get back in my PTU.  Panda Bear and Meerkat were directly across from me in their PTU.  They were both looking sleepy at this point, and I was feeling a little tired, too.

Next thing I know we were being carried back out to The Room That Moves.  Not long afterward Mommy and Daddy carried us back into the house and opened the doors to the PTU’s.

Yay!  Freedom!

Pretty soon I was feeling sleepy.  So was Panda Bear.  He really zonked out and barely moved for many hours, which made Mommy and Daddy a little worried.  He must have got shot worse than I did.

Eventually, he turned around, and then moved to another part of the house.

That was our start to this new year.  I overheard Mommy saying that we have to go back to be shot again in a few weeks.  I’ve already started planning my escape route.

That’s our cue to vamos, hide, and make ourselves scarce.

If she finds one of us, she grabs us, picks us up, and given a human style hug.  Blech!

Mom, we are cats.  We do not want to be hugged.  Petted, scritched, told how beyootifull we are, YES. Hugged, NO!  You are destroying my image as a Big Man Cat!

If you do it again, I am calling the ASPCA.

We have been hard at work on the post-production for our new film “MY Catnip Bananer”!  We shot all the footage recently and have been synching up the music with the images.  It’s very exciting!

Daddy went and made us a poster for our film, too!  Here is a copy of the poster for you to see!

We hope you will join us for the movie premiere on Tuesday!  It will be so exciting!

I guess Mommy knew to expect the “Moon River” song, so when it came on, she grabbed me, picked me up, and started to slow dance with me. Grrrrrrr. While I like Mommy very much, and I might go so far as to say that I love Mommy, I do NOT like to dance with Mommy. I wriggled free and jumped to the top of the cat perch. I stretched out in the sunbeam. Sigh.

Later Daddy told me that Mommy used to waltz with Mohawk to “Moon River”. Poor Mohawk. Luckily I made my escape before she started waltzing!

Mom says because of all the missing kitties in the Blogosphere lately, that Padre, Meerkat, and I have to wear these dorky collars with dangly circle thingys on them. Apparently, Mom wrote our names and their phone number on the dangly circle thingys. She says that it is so that in case we ever escape that we could be returned home safely.

Mom even had the nerve to say to Dad that I “am a flight risk”. Wth? I don’t have wings! What is she talking about, dudes? Just because I like to try to sneak out the door to give her a warm sendoff when she leaves for work? Mom won’t let me escort her to the room that moves that is sitting in the driveway, she always shoves me back inside. Doesn’t she understand that I am just trying to be a gentleman?

To top things off, Meerkat got her collar stuck in her mouth, while she was wearing it! It took both Dad and Mom to rescue my poor sister from the Evil Collar Monster. At least Meerkat got a really good bite on Mom’s finger, as well as digging one of her claws into another finger!! Heh.

Later, the collar dangly thing somehow managed to get stuck on one of my teeth!! Again, it took Dad to rescue me from the Evil Collar Monster.

Padre also has to wear a collar. He tried to get his off at first too, then has largely ignored it. What a wuss! We need to have a unified front here, and I don’t take kindly to traitors. Maybe I should put the bitey on him…

In other news, I received word that I am officially a Tuxedo Gang Hideout Member!! Of course I am thrilled!! More about this later. This is what the logo looks like for the Tuxedo Gang:

But how humiliating that now that I am finally in a gang, that I have to be seen wearing this dorky collar!

I think that tonight while she is asleep, I will give Mom the bitey… or maybe I should poop on her pillow… decisions… decisions…

P.S. Mom told me that I had to mention that Padre, Meerkat, Mom, Dad, and I are so relieved that Mao is back, safe and sound. Still, we are worried about Annie being away. We are purring and praying for her safe return.

however, mommy and daddy had a surprise in store for us: they put fancy nails over our now short claws on our front feets.  panda bear got to go first, and he was not very happy about getting his claws all covered up.  i kind of hung out nearby in case he wanted my moral support.

clearly, this was a mistake, i should have hidden!  the next thing i knew, i got picked up and daddy held onto me real tight while mommy put on the pretty red and green nail covers.  as i have mentioned before, i do not like to be held.  so the whole experience was not fun, even though i thought my claws looked pretty when mommy and daddy were finished.  mommy kept saying “it’s like trying to hold jello that hasn’t jelled yet”.  i dunno what she meant by that.  all i wanted was to get free of daddy’s firm grasp.

here is a photo of panda bear’s nail covers when they were first put on last weekend.  don’t the nail covers stand out nicely against panda bear’s white furs?

and here is a photo of mine, taken recently after i managed to remove some of the nail covers just fell off all by themselves:

so far, panda bear and i have managed to remove have had a combined total of 9 nail covers just fall off all by themselves. and to think that daddy and mommy were wondering how to get them off? however, i do think that they are festive and pretty, just not fun to get them put on.

We woke up last Wednesday and it was just like normal, although it seemed a little later in the morning than usual.  We got lots of stinky goodness and Meerkat and I played a game of bitey. 

Next thing I know, Daddy put me and Meerkat in the pink portable room-box and took us outside to the white teleporter machine!!!!

Meerkat and me were very worried that Mommy and Daddy didn’t like us anymore and were taking us to a new forever home, so we stayed very quiet like the very good kitties that we are.  I think that freaked out Mommy and Daddy that we were so quiet.  (Heh, heh, heh.)

Pretty soon the white teleporter stopped shaking and making noise and Mommy carried us into some different building.  She put us on a shelf of some kind while she and Daddy talked to some other beans about us.

They took us out of the portable box and put us on some big flat thing one at a time.  When they put me on it, they said “7.8”.  When they put Meerkat on it, they said “6.4”.  Then they took us to a little yellow room with Mommy and Daddy and closed the door.

That’s when we began to investigate!  Meerkat tried to look on top of the cabinets …

… and then Mommy grabbed us for a photo op!  This is the first time we’ve been able to post a picture of Mommy.  I smiled as best I could.  Meerkat wanted to escape.

Then Daddy put us on some kind of floating counter.  We were a bit upset about the cat in the photograph looking down at us.  It was like he was saying “Behave! Behave!  Or you’ll end up on the wall like me!” 

Then a man in a white jacket came in the room and started squeezing us and talking nice.  He was friendly. 

Mommy told the man in the white jacket that I like to make sure all the food bowls are clean at eating time, so the man called me a “FOOD BULLY”!  That sounds like a good title for me … Panda Bear:  Food Bully Extraordinaire! 

Then he took me into another room and shoved something in my rear end!!!  How dare he do that when I wasn’t looking!  The man in the white jacket is a CAT BULLY! 

Then the Cat Bully took me back to Mommy and Daddy and Meerkat.  Then he grabbed Meerkat and went away with her!  She told me later that the Cat Bully did the same to her!  What a mean Cat Bully!

Then Mommy and Daddy put us back into the pink portable room-box and took us back to the white teleporter machine. When we got home, Padre was not very happy to see us. Apparently he thought he was rid of us! He proceeded to hide out in the basement. He did not want to play with us and was hisses at us when we tried to play with him. Padre is still a poop-head.

Meerkat and I are glad to be home. And we are very glad that Mommy and Daddy still want to provide our furrever home for us.