Tormenting

4

Gee, thanks Mao, and Annie, too.

Mom says because of all the missing kitties in the Blogosphere lately, that Padre, Meerkat, and I have to wear these dorky collars with dangly circle thingys on them. Apparently, Mom wrote our names and their phone number on the dangly circle thingys. She says that it is so that in case we ever escape that we could be returned home safely.

My dorky red collar

Mom even had the nerve to say to Dad that I “am a flight risk”. Wth? I don’t have wings! What is she talking about, dudes? Just because I like to try to sneak out the door to give her a warm sendoff when she leaves for work? Mom won’t let me escort her to the room that moves that is sitting in the driveway, she always shoves me back inside. Doesn’t she understand that I am just trying to be a gentleman?

To top things off, Meerkat got her collar stuck in her mouth, while she was wearing it! It took both Dad and Mom to rescue my poor sister from the Evil Collar Monster. At least Meerkat got a really good bite on Mom’s finger, as well as digging one of her claws into another finger!! Heh.

Later, the collar dangly thing somehow managed to get stuck on one of my teeth!! Again, it took Dad to rescue me from the Evil Collar Monster.

Padre also has to wear a collar. He tried to get his off at first too, then has largely ignored it. What a wuss! We need to have a unified front here, and I don’t take kindly to traitors. Maybe I should put the bitey on him…

In other news, I received word that I am officially a Tuxedo Gang Hideout Member!! Of course I am thrilled!! More about this later. This is what the logo looks like for the Tuxedo Gang:

New Tuxedo Gang Hideout Member

But how humiliating that now that I am finally in a gang, that I have to be seen wearing this dorky collar!

I think that tonight while she is asleep, I will give Mom the bitey… or maybe I should poop on her pillow… decisions… decisions…

P.S. Mom told me that I had to mention that Padre, Meerkat, Mom, Dad, and I are so relieved that Mao is back, safe and sound. Still, we are worried about Annie being away. We are purring and praying for her safe return.

2

last weekend, mommy and daddy captured panda bear and me and gave us our pedicures.  we got temptations treats, so although i squirmed a lot and complained about it, the temptations almost made it all worthwhile.

however, mommy and daddy had a surprise in store for us: they put fancy nails over our now short claws on our front feets.  panda bear got to go first, and he was not very happy about getting his claws all covered up.  i kind of hung out nearby in case he wanted my moral support.

clearly, this was a mistake, i should have hidden!  the next thing i knew, i got picked up and daddy held onto me real tight while mommy put on the pretty red and green nail covers.  as i have mentioned before, i do not like to be held.  so the whole experience was not fun, even though i thought my claws looked pretty when mommy and daddy were finished.  mommy kept saying “it’s like trying to hold jello that hasn’t jelled yet”.  i dunno what she meant by that.  all i wanted was to get free of daddy’s firm grasp.

here is a photo of panda bear’s nail covers when they were first put on last weekend.  don’t the nail covers stand out nicely against panda bear’s white furs?

Closeup on Panda

and here is a photo of mine, taken recently after i managed to remove some of the nail covers just fell off all by themselves:

Meerkat

so far, panda bear and i have managed to remove have had a combined total of 9 nail covers just fall off all by themselves. and to think that daddy and mommy were wondering how to get them off? however, i do think that they are festive and pretty, just not fun to get them put on.

1

I’ve been walking around with the sneezies.  Mommy and Daddy were worried that I had caught a sneezy from somewhere.  They said it might be left over from our days at the boarding school.  So, Mommy got all hyper and picked up part of the box that rings, pushed some buttons and made “an appointment”.  I’m not sure how you make such a thing because I didn’t see anything in her hands after.  I was suspicious because she did the same thing when Padre was hopping around on three legs.

We woke up last Wednesday and it was just like normal, although it seemed a little later in the morning than usual.  We got lots of stinky goodness and Meerkat and I played a game of bitey. 

Next thing I know, Daddy put me and Meerkat in the pink portable room-box and took us outside to the white teleporter machine!!!!

Meerkat and me were very worried that Mommy and Daddy didn’t like us anymore and were taking us to a new forever home, so we stayed very quiet like the very good kitties that we are.  I think that freaked out Mommy and Daddy that we were so quiet.  (Heh, heh, heh.)

Pretty soon the white teleporter stopped shaking and making noise and Mommy carried us into some different building.  She put us on a shelf of some kind while she and Daddy talked to some other beans about us.

Waiting Patiently for a Consult

They took us out of the portable box and put us on some big flat thing one at a time.  When they put me on it, they said “7.8”.  When they put Meerkat on it, they said “6.4”.  Then they took us to a little yellow room with Mommy and Daddy and closed the door.

That’s when we began to investigate!  Meerkat tried to look on top of the cabinets …

Investigating the Room

… and then Mommy grabbed us for a photo op!  This is the first time we’ve been able to post a picture of Mommy.  I smiled as best I could.  Meerkat wanted to escape.

 We pose with Mom

Then Daddy put us on some kind of floating counter.  We were a bit upset about the cat in the photograph looking down at us.  It was like he was saying “Behave! Behave!  Or you’ll end up on the wall like me!” 

 How did that cat get up there?

Then a man in a white jacket came in the room and started squeezing us and talking nice.  He was friendly. 

Mommy told the man in the white jacket that I like to make sure all the food bowls are clean at eating time, so the man called me a “FOOD BULLY”!  That sounds like a good title for me … Panda Bear:  Food Bully Extraordinaire! 

Then he took me into another room and shoved something in my rear end!!!  How dare he do that when I wasn’t looking!  The man in the white jacket is a CAT BULLY! 

Then the Cat Bully took me back to Mommy and Daddy and Meerkat.  Then he grabbed Meerkat and went away with her!  She told me later that the Cat Bully did the same to her!  What a mean Cat Bully!

Then Mommy and Daddy put us back into the pink portable room-box and took us back to the white teleporter machine. When we got home, Padre was not very happy to see us. Apparently he thought he was rid of us! He proceeded to hide out in the basement. He did not want to play with us and was hisses at us when we tried to play with him. Padre is still a poop-head.

Meerkat and I are glad to be home. And we are very glad that Mommy and Daddy still want to provide our furrever home for us.

2

Who would have known that by playing up my old war injury for sympathy, would result in the lady human shoving a pill down my throat every night?

While I was at the smelly building, the man in the white coat apparently gave the humans a bottle of pills to give to me. Not all at once, just half a pill at a time, in order to prolong the tormenting. Grrrr.

Tonight I spat it out and the lady didn’t notice, because I pretended to swallow it. However, the man was not convinced by my swallowing performance, and decided to move the sofa away from the wall to look for it. He picked the pill up off the floor and gave it back to the lady who forced it into my mouth, and this time it rolled down my throat before I could get a good gag reflex going.

In related news, I have decided to stop hopping around on three legs, because it would be my luck that they would just drag me back to that smelly building and come home with more pills.

I just need to figure out where they keep the bottle with the pills in it, and see to it that the bottle meets an untimely end.