These humans are smarter than I thought! All they did was study me for a couple of days. How else could they figure out my name is Padre? Darn!
Last night was the first night I spent together with the
hoodlums kittens. So, to demonstrate my displeasure, I decided to show off my old war injury to the humans.
When the lady human came out of her sleeping room, I tucked my front right paw up to my chest and started hopping on my remaining three legs. She immediately got worried and started petting me. Yay! It worked. She called to man human and he got worried, too. Yay! More sympathy. I could tell the
hoodlums kittens were jealous I was getting all the attention.
The lady human picked up part of the box that chirps, pushed some buttons, and started talking about me and my war injury. She put the box down and said something cryptic to the man human: “Doctor Keith at nine fifteen”. They both seemed relieved, so just to cause more angst, I slipped into their sleeping room and hid under the bed!
They went away for a while with the
hoodlums kittens, but came back soon enough. They had to “get ready” because it was “nine o’clock”. Next thing I know the hoodlums joined me under the bed. Then the lady human started poking me with the bird on a string. It was annoying me, so I decided to make my escape! Unfortunately, I was still playing up my war injury, so I couldn’t get away too fast on my other three legs. Darn! The lady grabbed me and put me into the larger portable room. Hoodlum boy decided to taunt me by sitting outside the jailhouse door. Meanie.
Next thing I knew, I was being carried outside to the big shakey box teleporter. The man and the lady got in the front and started making the shakey box shake. I was worried they were taking me to another forever home because I had played up my war injury. After a short time they took me out of the teleporter and everything was different. Now they took me into a smelly building, which I was hoping wasn’t my new forever home. It smelled like lots of fellow felines and some doggies had peed, and then someone tried to cover it up.
The people in the smelly building let me out of the portable room and put me on some platform and called out 10.6! Something about pounds.
The people put us all in a room and I sat on the man human’s lap to wait for whatever would happen next.
I thought this might be a good time to tell them about my war injury, but I didn’t quite know how to tell them, so I kept quiet. Pretty soon, a man came in wearing a white coat. He talked nice to me and started squeezing my war injury. Then he put a piece of cold silver with a rubber hose on my chest and moved it around my chest. It was cold! Then he said something about wanting to take pictures of my war injury! Yay! I get to pose for pictures. The hoodlums don’t get to have this much fun!
The man in the white coat took me to a dark room where they put on funny jackets and told me not to move! This must have been the picture taking. I smiled as best as I could.
The lady in the purple coat took me back to the humans and then the man in the white coat took the humans with him out to another place. It wasn’t far away, so I could make out little bits of the conversation. Things like:
“his medical history started the day you adopted him”
“old trauma on his outside toe in the process of healing”
“notice how the bones don’t line up just right”
“could do something major but would be in the same place six weeks down the road”
“keep him comfortable and let it heal itself”
“running a fever, not related to the fracture”
“make sure he eats”
“give him this once a day”
Other than the indecency of having a cold metal object shoved somewhere totally inappropriate, the whole experience wasn’t so bad. The humans took me home, and the lady gave me some baby food for a snack. I took a long nap becuase after all this action, I was exhausted.
sycophant: n. a servile self-seeker who attempts to win favor by flattering influential people.
(dictionary.com, american heritage dictionary)
there he is just sitting on missus human’s lap and purring like his life depended on it. and the way he took to the presents she brought! i for one am not as easily bought. here’s my idea of a cool cat toy:
between my brother and big grey cat, i don’t know who is the worse lackey. they follow missus human around from room to room and then (gasp!) sit in her lap. have they no pride? they worship mister human in the same manner.
big grey cat meets the humans every time they come in through the front door. in fact, now that i remember it, when the missus human opened the door to our dorm room at the boarding school, my brother immediately jumped into missus human’s arms and turned on the purr-motor. i guess i should have seen this coming.
you won’t catch me fawning all over the humans like my brother and big grey cat. i will continue to resist the humans’ attempts to turn me into a groveling, kowtowing lap cat. i am kitten, hear me roar!
I have had just about enough of Panda Bear’s antics. That little hoodlum follows me around, and then wants to lay way too close to me for no apparent reason. He has no concept of keeping a socially acceptable distance from me, like about 10,000 miles. And then there’s the butt sniffing.
Panda Bear runs around and chases Meerkat, his sister, and she often seems to egg him on. Kids. I just don’t get it. But then he goes and bites her really hard or sits on her head. Or bites her while sitting on her head.
Panda Bear inhales his stinky goodness at the speed of light. Then he pushes his way into my food dish while I am still playing with it. Doesn’t he know anything about appearing to be finicky, even if you like what the humans put into the dish? You have to play hard to get, obviously a lesson he has yet to learn.
If I could just get my paws on some ritalin to add to Panda Bear’s food when he’s not looking … the way he eats he wouldn’t even notice. Heh.
Who would have known that by playing up my old war injury for sympathy, would result in the lady human shoving a pill down my throat every night?
While I was at the smelly building, the man in the white coat apparently gave the humans a bottle of pills to give to me. Not all at once, just half a pill at a time, in order to prolong the tormenting. Grrrr.
Tonight I spat it out and the lady didn’t notice, because I pretended to swallow it. However, the man was not convinced by my swallowing performance, and decided to move the sofa away from the wall to look for it. He picked the pill up off the floor and gave it back to the lady who forced it into my mouth, and this time it rolled down my throat before I could get a good gag reflex going.
In related news, I have decided to stop hopping around on three legs, because it would be my luck that they would just drag me back to that smelly building and come home with more pills.
I just need to figure out where they keep the bottle with the pills in it, and see to it that the bottle meets an untimely end.
That big grey cat just doesn’t know how to have fun, man. All he wants to do is sit around, take naps, and look out the big tall windows at the squirrels and birds. He needs to get a life.
There is so much fun stuff to do around here and “Pious Padre” just sits there staring out that window, flashing his white tuft of fur.
Here’s a list of just a few of the ways to have fun, that do not involve staring out the window:
1. Chase Meerkat around the house
2. Get chased by Meerkat
3. Put the bitey on Meerkat’s head
4. Sniff Padre’s butt
5. Lie down really close to Padre, just to tick him off
6. Chase my tail inside the Kalahari-Themed-Duplex-Cat-Cubes with the intention of tipping the whole thing over on its end
7. Chase my tail on the landing that goes down to our poop boxes in the basement
8. Play chase the bird on a string with Dad
9. Climb all over Dad’s head at 2:00 am
10. Help Dad when he needs to work in his office by climbing all over him
11. Play with the nip filled toys Dad and Mom brought home
… and much more!
“Pious Padre” just doesn’t know have to fun! He takes his white clerical collar look just a little too far!